Dear Antidepressant,

​I will not let them tell me who they think you are. They do not know your face. They don’t know what I go through. When they ask, I will tell them what I hold. What I have is a troll in my chest and a demon in my mind. They cannot be silenced. I’ve tried, and they only get louder.

I’ve told this story a billion times. I am numb to it now. Attempted suicide is a crime I am guilty of. However, I am still innocent. They pushed me to it! That is my reason. Do not tell me that you don’t expect a rose to wither in a world without oxygen. This is why we grow tough skins with thorns, and pretend to be cacti.

My arms have been marked by my own blade. I will proudly show my scars to the world, and if they ask, I’ll boldly say that they did it. I will become the monster they told me I can be. I will frighten them with my words and dance to their screams. I think screams are beautiful music humans make when they run from the truth. I will embody the truth.

My first step is complete. I am a poet and a writer. There is nothing more dangerous than that. I will study myself and my people. I will learn what makes them tick and use it against them. I am a weapon. They will never be able to contain me. 

I am dead, so I do not fear death. I am broken, so I do not fear stones. I am human so I do not fear emotion. I am stronger than titanium. I am powerful, because I know I am the captain of my own ship. My life is my own sea. I will sail it’s monstrous wave and inhale its salty vastness.

I hope they will call me mad, for madness is a sign of greatness. They will call me foolish, and that will cause a smile to scurry across my face. I will take my pain and turn it into strength;  my tears will be my ink and these scars my story. I will show them that there is beauty in not fearing weakness, but embracing it. I will do these things before a second death, and pray that I leave this world with the presence of my love in the universe.
A Pirate or A Kraken


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